| i dont think i can fake this anymore, its too hard espcially all alone. i just need someone to be there for me, but i lost all that. its just hard to see the bright side of things when your world has been torn apart and you feel all alone. sometimes i think my parents dont even care. all i wanna do is go away from everything. go somewhere where people will love me and listen and someone will hold me at night when i cry. god dammit im so emo. i hate who i have become but i dont know how to change back. it sounds so simple, untill i relize that i never was ok. i talked to an old friend the other day and relized that even in 8th grade i was depressed and crazy. i just wanna be ok, be able to sit alone and not end up in tears. i had that for a few months, but now its all gone, i guess it seems worse because i was happy and now i miss it. sometimes i feel like i have so much to give but no one will ever take the time to see it because everyone runs away. maybe its my fault, i guess i just need to fix myself before i can be a person worth getting to know. i just wish i could show the real me and someone would actually like it instead of saying im stupid or emo. i guess ill just keep lieing and telling everyone im ok, when i know all i want is someone to help me out. i have relized that my suicidal attempts are mostly just a cry for attention. i just want somone to pay attention to me, which i absolutly HATE. i hate that i would ever do that. i hate that i would ever feel like killing myself just becaus no one is paying attention to me. i hate it all and i just want to change so bad. i wanna be happy or atleast not killing myself. it sounds so simple because almost anyone could do it, but its just really hard for me. im sure one day i will be able to do it. it may take alot of work and alot of time but i will be ok one day. i promise! |
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| so there has been a tragedy! i have to go to k state next year, i know its sad and horrible but they are the only college in the mid west with the majors i want. i will try my best not to cry and look good in purple |
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| I will never drink again! |
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| I decided to start writing on here again because well why not. i always did enjoy it and it never hurt anyone that i know of. plus its a great way to bitch about problems, but ill try not to bitch too much omg i can concentrate on anything lately and its so bad. its not like im distracted by some boy or anything either its just htat i cant seem to think. homework has been pretty much impossible. i had to write a 4 page paper and i could only write 2 and a half pages, yeah thats bad. PS my birthday is on sunday and im so fucking excited! |
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ill let my art speak for itself |
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